


Feel your weight

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Allusions to Aaron's childhood abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homophobic Slurs, Set before Gordon's trial, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 17:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8410681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: Among car journeys, and new city visits and old acquaintances Robert and Aaron continue their trend of becoming closer than ever.
Based on a tumblr prompt





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So, this one is based on this prompt: "Could you maybe when you have time write a fic about Robert and Aaron meeting someone from Aarons teenage years (when he was still living with Gordon, that don't know anything that has happened since he left. Like an old friend(s) or an old teacher. And it brings back memories, and maybe they say something about Aaron being a hooligan and a bad kid or something, or if it's a old friend, something homophobic, and Robert defends him."
> 
> This ended up being a lot more about Robert and Aaron than about Aaron and the kid from his past, but I hope that it's enjoyed nonetheless! Happy reading :)

When Robert looks across at Aaron, the younger man is asleep, his head resting against the window. There is a small crease between his brows, and Robert hopes that it’s just because of the uncomfortable angle of his neck than because he’s having disturbing dreams.

When he looks again, Aaron is just coming out of sleep, blinking softly, the little frown deepening as he tries to figure out where he is.

‘Morning,’ Robert says softly, playfully. It’s mid-afternoon.

Aaron grunts. 

‘You were supposed to be keeping me awake’, Robert says with a chuckle. He doesn’t mean anything by it, and luckily Aaron doesn’t take it badly. He smiles, though it’s slightly strained.

‘Yeah, well.’ He shuffles in his seat, shifting himself further up on it. ‘I’ve not been sleeping well.’

‘Oh right.’ Robert mentally kicks himself. No matter what, he always manages to put his foot in it. ‘Sorry.’

Aaron shakes his head. ‘I slept fine just then’, he says. He shrugs and smiles again. ‘Go figure.’

‘You’re probably the only person I know who feels _comfortable_ sleeping in a car,’ Robert says. He’s smiling at Aaron and looking at him out of the corner of his eye. ‘Mind you, Vic was never fussy about where she slept either.’ 

Aaron’s lips twitch. He’s looking around at the landscape, his brow furrowed, and Robert knows he’s trying to figure out where they are. ‘We’re about half an hour away,’ Robert says. He’s memorised the route, ever since Aaron said that he’d wanted to go away for the weekend a week and a half ago.

‘I had some really good times in Southampton,’ he had said wistfully. ‘I spent the weekend there with some mates from school once. I could just... forget about things, you know?’

As soon as he’d said it, Robert knew that he was going to take Aaron there. He had cleared it with Chas (who was coming round to the idea of him spending time with her precious boy alone, after the way he saved her from making a fool of herself at Gordon’s), and then cleared it with Aaron. He had got a sceptical look off Aaron, but when Robert mentioned new pubs and fresh faces, he had agreed.

‘Do you think you’ll see anyone you know?’ Robert asks now, ‘you know, from the old days?’

Aaron shrugs. ‘I dunno. I never kept in touch with them. No idea where they are.’ He’s silent for the longest time, and Robert thinks that he’s drifted off to sleep again. ‘I hope I don’t,’ he says. His voice is suddenly small and young. Robert has only heard that voice a handful of times. The last time was in Debbie’s old house, and Aaron was crying and relieving secret after secret to Robert. The memory makes Robert long to reach out and comfort him, but he’s still unsure about where he stands. 

‘Why not?’ he asks. He doesn’t expect Aaron to answer.

‘Because,’ Aaron surprises him, ‘I’ve changed, haven’t I? I’m not the teen they remember.’

Robert can’t help but smile.

‘What?’ Aaron asks.

‘Nothing. Just... I’ve seen photos of you.’ He chuckles. ‘A chavvy teen with a liking for gold necklaces and tracksuits.’ He laughs and Aaron laughs along with him.

‘Hey, I’ve seen your teen pics as well you know. That mullet, mate.’ He winces in mock pain. ‘What were you thinkin’?’ 

‘Touche, Eminem wannabe.’

Aaron shakes his head and grins. Robert loves that they’ve got to this point in their friendship: the joking around, taking the piss out of each other point. He’s never loved anyone like he loves Aaron. He’s never bothered to be friends with the people he’s fancied before. But this thing with Aaron; he’s not going to push him. This will go at Aaron’s pace, and Robert is more than happy to accept that. Aaron is special; he’s worth more to Robert than a quick shag or getting to know him because he wants to see what he looks like naked. Robert wants to know every part of Aaron’s mind and heart. Maybe one day he’ll feel safe enough to open up to Aaron in turn.

****

They end up arriving an hour later. Robert hadn’t factored the daily rush hour into his schedule, and they had spent a quarter of an hour not moving at all, playing a game where they make up stories about the people in cars around them. Robert has never laughed so hard, and he knows he hasn’t seen Aaron laugh so much in the past few months either. A part of him is egotistical enough to feel proud that he can do what people like Adam, Chas, Vic and Paddy can’t.

Robert booked them into a small hotel: nothing fancy or memorable about it. Just two single beds and a sofa, and a TV on top of a white dresser with too-pointed corners. The bathroom is small, and it’s a little cold, and the curtains are old-fashioned and floral. But Aaron smiles when Robert opens the door and gestures him inside. Aaron dumps his rucksack on the bed furthest from the door, and Robert knows enough that he understands why. They look at the tiny beds and laugh for no reason. 

‘Reminds me of Vic’s,’ Robert says. ‘Fair dues, though, her décor is a lot better than this.’

Aaron grins, and it’s not fake and it’s not strained, and Robert feels his heart swell with _love_ for this man. This man who has changed Robert, and is still changing him. ‘I’m gonna shower,’ Aaron says. ‘Get rid of the car smell.’

‘Okay. Take your time. We’ve got all weekend.’

‘You never did tell me how you swung it with Mum,’ Aaron says, pulling a pair of dark jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt out of his rucksack. Robert wants to offer to iron it for him, but they’re not quite at that stage yet. ‘Gettin’ me away for the weekend, I mean. And with _you_ of all people.’

Robert chuckles. ‘Careful, you don’t wanna sound too appreciative.’

Aaron smirks. ‘You know what I mean.’

Robert does. He smiles and shrugs. ‘Just told her that you needed some time out. She has me on speed dial, though. And there may be a tracking device on me somewhere.’

Aaron snorts. ‘I wouldn’t put it past her, y’know.’ He looks down, at his shirt which he is passing from one hand to the next. ‘I don’t think I thanked you, for makin’ sure she didn’t get too stupid the other day.’

‘You don’t have to thank me for that, Aaron,’ Robert says. And he doesn’t: Robert doesn’t expect thanks for behaving like a proper human being for once. Maybe with other people he would have (Chrissie, her sister, her father spring to mind), but not Aaron. And especially not now. Aaron nods, and he gestures to the bathroom. Robert listens to him turn the shower on before clicking on the TV, just in case he had needed anything. Catchphrase is on, and it’s enough to take his mind off Aaron for a while, whilst he gets caught up in memories of sitting around the coffee table of a Sunday afternoon with his Mum and Dad, and Vic and Andy and shouting out the answers, and groaning at Roy’s terrible opening jokes. 

The door opens and steam follows Aaron out of the bathroom. He’s dressed and his hair is damp and sticking to his forehead. He is the most beautiful man Robert has ever seen. He gulps and focuses back on the screen, where the game winner is trying to solve their way across the screen of X’s and ticks. Aaron scoffs and sits on the arm of the sofa. ‘God, are they still doin’ re-runs of this?’ he laughs.

Robert smiles. ‘Yup. It’s a classic though, isn’t it.’

‘Yeah, if you say so mate.’

Robert grins up at him, and Aaron—sitting on the sofa arm furthest from him—doesn’t seem so far away in that moment. Their banter isn’t something he thought he’d ever miss, but somewhere among sex and barns and expensive hotels, Robert had opened himself up to Aaron, and they had become friends. He misses him to talk to now more than most other things, and that surprises him. Of course he misses Aaron from his bed, but he misses him more from his _life_ and that is a lot harder to get over. 

‘You showering before we go?’ Aaron asks.

‘Yeah. Yeah. Just let me see what happens first.’

Aaron scoffs and shakes his head fondly, and Robert spends the remainder of the gameshow watching Aaron unpack and repack his bag. 

****

They head out soon afterwards. They spot a small café and sit and have a cup of something hot each, and Robert manages to wheedle Aaron into eating a sausage roll and a teacake as well. 

‘So,’ Aaron says as he’s chasing down the last bite of cake with his cuppa. ‘You got anything planned for us today?’

Robert looks at his watch. ‘Well, it’s nearly teatime,’ he says. ‘So maybe find a pub that does food, and then have a couple of drinks?’

Aaron nods. ‘Sounds good.’ He sits back and looks around. They’re sat by a window, and Aaron seems happy enough to just let his gaze wander over the passing people and the changing traffic lights and cars that go past. 

‘You look more relaxed,’ Robert says tentatively. 

His friend looks away from the road and at Robert. There’s a bit of a smile on his lips, and the sadness in his eyes is still there but a bit muted. He shrugs. ‘It feels good to be away from it all,’ he confesses. ‘My Mum is great, but she stifles me sometimes y’know?’

‘She’s worried about you,’ Robert says gently.

‘Yeah, I know she is. But she never lets me go anywhere or do anything without her knowing. And I understand why,’ he says quickly before Robert can comment again. ‘But it’s nice not to have my every move monitored.’

Robert nods. He knows what that feels like. His Dad used to do the same thing; for weeks after he found Robert in his room with the lad helping at the farm, Jack kept tabs on him and wouldn’t let him out of his sight, even though he didn’t really look at him or talk to him properly for weeks either. Instead of recounting that though, Robert says, ‘I’m glad I could take you away from that then.’

‘Me too.’ He says it in a voice that makes Robert’s breath catch and his heart rate increase. He’s spent so long dreaming about that voice, that it seems like something he’ll never have again. But he’s going to treat it kindly this time. He smiles and it feels so wide and so genuine and so in love, but he can’t hide anything from Aaron. Aaron knows what Robert feels for him; he also knows that Robert is more than willing to wait, no matter how long it takes. Aaron is worth the wait; more than worth it, in fact. He realises it’s too much when Aaron looks down at the crumbs in his plate and clears his throat. ‘Wanna go for a walk?’ And his voice is back to normal, and that feels a little like a warning.

Robert nods. ‘Yeah. Course.’ He pays for the extra cup of tea and coffee each that they had, and Aaron waits for him outside. Robert breathes deep, and calms his mind and heart as best he can. He’s here as a friend, and that is more than Robert deserves anyway.

They stroll along, hands in their pockets as if making sure neither of them cross any pesky boundaries. Robert jokingly offers Aaron an ice-cream, the younger man laughs and Robert ends up purchasing a small bowlful from the ice-cream van on the street. He asks for two spoons just in case, and when Aaron dives into the mint and chocolate chip, Robert feels triumphant enough that he bumps his arm against Aaron’s.

‘So, come on then,’ Robert says when they’re still walking around. ‘Why Southampton? Bit far away from the Dales, isn’t it?’

‘One of our friends had an older brother who lived here,’ Aaron says. ‘He and his parents moved to York, but his brother stayed here.’ He shrugs. ‘We used to come here for nights out and that.’

‘Nights out?’ Robert says. ‘How old were you guys?’

‘Thirteen,’ Aaron says with a grin. ‘But his brother was a bouncer at a club, and he used to sneak us in ‘round back. Surprised he never got fired for it.’

Robert laughs because he remembers being just as mischievous when he was a teen. He can almost guarantee that Aaron has never told Chas this though. He shakes his head. ‘You little rebels.’

‘Had to blow off steam somehow, didn’t we?’ Aaron says. And then the clench in his jaw is back, and his shoulders stiffen. Robert curses himself. Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to bring up those memories again? Things were going so well. 

He reaches out and runs his fingertips down Aaron’s sleeve. ‘Hey,’ he says. ‘Come on, let’s find a pub yeah?’

‘Gonna get drunk?’ Aaron says. There’s a desperation there that Robert isn’t especially fond of. He rocks his head side to side.

‘Within reason.’

They go into the first pub that serves food that they come to. It’s small from the outside, and tiny on the inside. Robert and Aaron have to sidle around the people that stand by the bar, and Robert makes sure that Aaron goes in front of him so he can see if he starts to get claustrophobic. They find a table at the back of the pub, and Aaron makes a beeline for it. It’s not very secluded, and with patrons coming in and out, no doubt the tables near to it will fill soon. Robert takes his jacket off and drapes it across the chair. ‘Pint?’ he asks. He has to shout a little to be heard over chatting and laughter. Aaron nods and smiles in thanks. Before Robert goes, he sees his friend hook his ankle around Robert’s chair to make sure it doesn’t get taken.

He’s pushed and shoved when he gets to the bar. A few girls there notice him and try to crowd around him, but he smiles politely and shouts ‘I’m with someone!’ when they offer to buy him a drink. He indicates two pints when he finally gets his serve. A group of rowdy men around his age, maybe younger, make their entrance and yell jovially. Robert smiles. It’s been a while since he’s been in this kind of environment. He almost misses it. If he knew he wouldn’t be such a gooseberry, he’d ask Vic and Adam if they wanted to go into Leeds.

The drinks are served finally, and he pays for them both. This weekend, he’s going to treat Aaron to whatever he wants. He picks up a menu as well and negotiates his way back through the crowd. He stops short when he comes within sight of the table. A guy is leaning over Aaron, his hands on Robert’s chair. He’s smiling in a way that Robert isn’t overly comfortable with, especially when he sees the awkward stance Aaron adopts. When Aaron looks up and sees him, a look of such great relief and gratitude comes over his features that Robert almost takes a step back in shock.

‘Hiya,’ he says. He puts the pints on the table and the menu, and purposefully doesn’t look at the new guy whilst he does it. ‘Brought a menu as well, for later.’

Aaron nods, then he looks at the guy. Robert looks as well, and the guy looks curious. ‘Uh, this is Robert,’ Aaron introduces him. ‘Robert, this is Charlie. From back in the day.’

Robert looks the guy up and down, and finds him lacking. Lacking in finesse, lacking in style, lacking in wisdom; lacking in all the things that Aaron has picked up, brushed off and made his own over the course of his life. But he smiles and holds out a hand to shake regardless. Then he pulls on the chair until Charlie apologises and removes his hand from it and Robert’s jacket. 

‘You two havin’ a pint then?’ Charlie says. ‘Mind if I join you?’

Aaron tries to object, the words ‘Actually, we’ out of his mouth when Charlie drags another chair to the two-person table and sits himself right in the middle of Robert and Aaron. Robert narrows his eyes at Aaron, in an _Are you alright_ gesture. Aaron smiles a little and gives the most minute nod. 

‘So,’ Robert says. ‘You’re one of the back in the day friends, are you?’

Charlie nods. ‘Yeah. Aaron and me go way back, don’t we eh?’ He slaps Aaron on the back and Aaron gives an imperceptible flinch. Robert wants to pick Charlie up by the scruff of his neck and drag him out onto the street. ‘Went to school together didn’t we? Well, until you just up and left. Still dunno the story there, you know.’ He laughs about it but it definitely sounds like he’s just fishing for gossip. Something that he can take back to his friends who are also lost in the time warp and it’s still 2008.

Aaron shrugs, and Robert can’t stand it. He looks small and uncomfortable and violated. ‘You’re a bit far from Leeds,’ Robert says and effectively draws Charlie’s attention back to him.

‘Yeah, my brother lives here,’ he says. So this is the kid that Aaron was talking about earlier. He turns back to Aaron. ‘So what’re you doin’ here, mate?’

Aaron opens his mouth, but then looks at Robert. He reads his friend’s look easily and answers for him. ‘We’re just here for the weekend,’ he says. Charlie looks at him again and frowns. He’s unsure why Robert’s answering for Aaron, and also why Aaron seems to be okay with Robert doing the talking for them. ‘Just fancied a change of scenery.’

There’s a silence that follows that is so complete that Robert can make out the individual conversations of people around them. ‘So where you living now?’ the lad asks.

This one is easy, so Robert lets Aaron answer. ‘Emmerdale,’ he says. His voice is rough and quiet. ‘With my Mum.’

‘Livin’ with your Mum?’ Charlie crows. ‘That’s rough, mate!’ He claps Aaron on the back again, and Robert would have grabbed him had Aaron not shook his head again. He doesn’t want a scene, and that would definitely cause one. Charlie laughs, but then trails off when Aaron doesn’t defend himself or justify himself. ‘Oi, what happened to you mate?’ he says. ‘You used to be fiery as anythin’! Remember that time you beat up that kid for lookin’ at you funny? Or when you lost it with old McIntey when he grabbed your arm after class, you remember?’ 

Robert shifts on his seat, because he remembers Aaron telling him about his ancient biology teacher who had innocently grabbed his arm, and he lashed out at him. Aaron had been good and drunk before telling the story, and he wouldn’t stop drinking afterwards. He had passed out on Vic and Adam’s sofa, and Robert had stayed there for nearly two hours making sure he didn’t throw up. 

Aaron bites his lip. ‘I’ve changed, haven’t I,’ he says. ‘Calmed down a bit.’ 

‘Yeah, well you’re not the Livesy I remember!’ Charlie says. He says it as if he’s trying to drag the old Aaron out; as if the old Aaron was _fun_ and just wanted a _good time_ and was such a mental case because he was _wild_ and _always up for a laugh_. ‘Think I preferred him better.’

And it’s seeing Aaron swallow thickly and seeing his fist clench around his pint that gets Robert to speak up finally. ‘Not much of a friend then, are you?’

Aaron’s eyes widen, and Charlie looks at him as if bats have just flown out of Robert’s arse. ‘What?’ the lad says. 

‘I’m pretty sure you heard,’ Robert says. Aaron kicks him under the table and shakes his head, mouths his name, and it’s enough for Robert to feel bad. It’s enough for him to shut his mouth and take a gulp of his pint.

Charlie scoffs, turns back to Aaron and jerks his head in Robert’s direction. ‘Get him, eh?’ he laughs. ‘Is he your boyfriend or something?’

‘He’s just a mate,’ Aaron says.

And clearly the fact that Aaron didn’t object louder to the idea of having a _boyfriend_ was the final straw for Charlie.

‘You’re not—no way! Not you! A poofter?’

Aaron’s eyes narrow. ‘I’m gay,’ he says with strength behind it that Robert is proud of. Aaron is proud of his sexuality, even if everything else is in a losing race right now. ‘’Cause I think that’s what you mean, isn’t it?’

Charlie sneers. ‘You have changed,’ he says.

‘I was always gay,’ Aaron retorts. ‘Just hadn’t been able to come to terms with it.’

‘Been able to _admit it_ you mean.’ As if it’s something to be ashamed of. ‘Always knew there was something weird about you. Always thought your Dad kept you indoors a bit too much.

Robert gets to his feet because that really is enough. ‘I think you should go,’ he says dangerously. People are starting to look, but Robert doesn’t care because Aaron has curled in on himself. He’d much rather grab his friend’s hand and take him somewhere else; somewhere better. But he knows that his pride and Aaron’s both won’t allow him to do that; it would seem too much like running away.

‘What?’

‘Are you deaf as well as narrow-minded?’ Robert grabs him by the elbow and yanks him up from the chair. ‘Get _out_.’

‘Is there a problem?’ A girl is there, serving a plate of scampi and chips to another table.

‘No, he was just leaving,’ Robert says, not taking his eyes from Charlie. He rips his hand away and Charlie stomps off, looking back at Aaron one last time.

As soon as he’s gone, Robert sits in Charlie’s vacant chair and leans closer to Aaron. ‘Are you alright?’ he asks softly.

Aaron nods. ‘Yeah.’ But he’s shaking and Robert knows that he’s going to have nightmares tonight. 

The girl has served her table and comes over to theirs. ‘Is he okay?’ she asks. Robert can only assume that she sees the nearness of him and Aaron, and she realises that something homophobic happened. He commends her intuition. ‘Do you need anything? Water or something?’

Robert looks at Aaron, who shakes his head. ‘Can we just go, actually?’ he asks.

‘Of course,’ Robert replies. He shoots the girl a grateful smile, and she smiles in turn. Robert grabs his coat and waits for Aaron to get up before letting him leave first. Aaron seems to shrink as he walks out, and Robert guesses that he’s imagining all eyes on him; as if everyone knows that Aaron is gay and was abused by his dad. 

They get out into the fresh air, and Aaron gulps it down like a parched man finding water. ‘You okay?’ Robert asks. He wants to rub circles on Aaron’s back and kiss his temple, but neither will go down well right now. He waits for Aaron to nod before he even tries stepping closer. He looks around. He wants to be back in the village, away from the vile talking of people who don’t know what they’re saying. But he offers the next best thing. ‘Shall we get a few pints and a takeaway? Take it back to the room?’

Aaron looks grateful and relieved again, and Robert feels lightheaded. 

****

‘Of all the weekends to come here,’ Aaron says. They’ve been back in the room for an hour. Their curries have long been devoured, and they’re working their way through two six packs of Carling. ‘Would be when that _tosser_ is around.’

‘Funny how things work,’ Robert agrees. They’re lying on their separate beds, looking at the ceiling. Aaron brings his beer to his mouth and sips. ‘I’m sorry. If I’d known—’

‘How should you have known?’ Aaron says. ‘It’s just… one of those things, innit?’ He breathes out hard. ‘He’s probably gonna tell everyone we know that he saw me now. Tell ‘em that I’m gay, and that I’m… quiet and can’t speak for myself.’

Robert flinches. ‘I thought you wanted me to,’ he says. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologisin’!’ Aaron snaps. ‘I’m just sayin’ that…’ he trails off. ‘I dunno what I’m sayin’. I’m tired.’

‘Sleep then,’ Robert says. ‘Do you want to leave tomorrow?’

He looks across at Aaron when he doesn’t get an answer. Aaron is studying the ceiling like it’s something he needs a decoder for. ‘I dunno,’ he says. ‘Seems like he’s chasing us away, doesn’t it?’

‘Don’t worry about him for a bit,’ Robert says. ‘What do _you_ want?’

Aaron looks over at Robert then, and his eyes are full of tears and love, and Robert gulps. The moment passes when Aaron blinks. ‘No, let’s stay,’ he says decisively. ‘I’m fed up of runnin’.’

‘Good.’ He wants to tell Aaron how proud of him he is, and how he loves him so much. But he drinks his beer instead. Three hours later, and the end of both six packs, and Robert reaches across to turn off their beside lamp. Aaron is snoring gently, and Robert hopes that the beer acts as some kind of sedative to ward off nightmares.

****

The next day is better. Aaron is a little twitchy at first, looking over his shoulder but when Robert suggests an ice-cream again, he rolls his eyes and laughs. When they pass the next ice-cream van though, Aaron takes his wallet out of his pocket and gets a small bowl and two spoons. He orders mint and chocolate chip again, and they sit and eat it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Come have a nosy on tumblr!: [Port in a Storm](http://www.portinastorm.tumblr.com)
> 
> The title is a line from 'To be alone' by Hozier.


End file.
